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	The Lighter side of life

Something went wrong at the forger's workshop and he ended up with a bundle of counterfeit 15-rupee notes. Reluctant to scarp the lot, he decided to test their acceptability in a small town, far from the city. Arriving there, he strolled over to a roadside tobacconist and ask for a one-rupee cigarette. His heart was in his mouth when he held out one of his 15-rupee notes to the man, but the tobacconist did not even give it a second look. He threw it into his till and handed over the change: two seven-rupee notes.

The moron was sitting in his office on the 10th floor when a man brust in shouting: "Popov, Popov, your daughter met with an accident and died!" "My daughter, dead!" exclaimed the moron, jumping up from his chair. "Life is not worth living any more!" and saying that he flung himself out of the window. When he reached the sixth floor, he realised that he did not have a daughter. When he reached the fourth floor, he realised he was not even married. As he hit the ground he realized that his name was not Popov.

A woman, who liked to talk, got into a cab and as soon as the cab started moving tried to engage the driver in conversation. Most cabbies like to talk but this particular man was of a taciturn nature .Not wishing to get drawn into conversation, he indicated through sign language that he was deaf and dumb. The women was disappointed but kept quiet the rest of the journey. The cab stopped at her destination and she paid and got out, and it was then that she realized that the man had only been pretending to be deaf and dumb .How did she arrive at that conclusion?

Answer:

The driver stopped at her destination without being told so obviously he had heard her when she mentioned her destination at the start of the journey.

Teacher: "Where are elephants found, Meena?"
Meena: "Maam, they are so big that they hardly ever get lost!"

An old man was travelling in the last compartment of a train. On the way, he faced many difficulties because of travelling in the last compartment. When he reached his destination, he wrote a letter to the Railway Department. He wrote, 'There should be no last compartment in a train. If it must be there, it should be between two compartments.

A man goes to an eye specialist and asks him for a pair of glasses. He chooses a frame and then asks the specialist, "Will I be able to read after I wear these glasses?" "Sure!" says the specialist. "Good!" replies the man. "I have been illiterate all these years!

Once there were three men, one Irishman, one Englishman and one Welshman, and they went to the desert. The Irishman took a bottle of wine, the Welshman took an umbrella and the Englishman took a car door. There was this man who said he would give them a camel if they told him why they were taking the things they were carrying. The Irishman said, In case I get thirsty,' the Welshman said, in case it rains,' and the Englishman said because if it gets hot I can wind down the window.'

There was a lady who was going to Disneyland. Upon approaching the city she saw a sign that read "Disneyland Left" so she turned around and went back home.

WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool."

Teacher: "If I have two apples in one hand and 12 oranges in the other, what will I have?"
Student: "The biggest hands any one ever had?"

Rahul: "My dad never gets his hair wet when he showers."
Sachin: "Does he wear a shower cap?"
Rahul: "Nope, he is bald!

A man wanted to buy a present for his mother, so he went into a pet shop and paid a hundred bucks for a Parrot. It was a very special bird, which could speak six languages and recite the alphabet backwards. He had the bird sent to his mother and later on rang her and asked, "How did you like the bird?"
"Fine," replied his mother. "It was delicious!"

There were two people robbing an apartment.
The first one said, "I hear the owner coming! Quick, jump out the window!"
The second one said, "Are you crazy? We're on the thirteenth floor!"
The first one said, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

Ramesh: Did you know that my grandfather has a farm as large as the planet Jupiter.
Rakesh: That's nothing. My grandfather has a stick so long that he can actually touch the moon.
Ramesh: Wow, such a long stick, where is it kept?
Rakesh: In your grandfather's farm.

Returning home one evening, the husband finds his wife in tears. Between sobs she said, "Darling, it was the first biryani I ever made for you and the dog ate it."

"That's all right, my love," said the husband, patting her on the shoulder, "I'll get you another dog tomorrow."

A professor, attempting to inspire his students, says to the class, "This week is your last chance to study for your final exam on Monday. Time is running out. The exam paper is now in the hands of the printer. So, please start studying for today. Any questions?"
Three boys put up their hands. Says the first, "How many questions will there be?"
Asks the second boy, "Will there be unseen passages to tackle?"
The third boy, a born backbencher, asks, "Sir, who's the printer?"

The Worst Hijacking

We shall never know the identity of the man who in 1976 made the most unsuccessful hijack attempt ever. On a flight across America, he rose from his seat, drew a gun and took the stewardess hostage.
"Take me to Detroit," he demanded.
"We're already going to Detroit," she replied.
"Oh... good," he said, and sat down again.

The Worst Bank Robbery

In August 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors. They had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone, sheepishly left the building. A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them. When they demanded 5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it was a practical joke. Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the floor clutching his ankle. The other two tried to make their getaway, but got trapped in the revolving doors again.

The Worst Homing Pigon

This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil.

Computer Dictionary

Word	Meaning
BIT	A word used to describe computers, as in "Our daughter's computer cost quite a bit."
BOOT	What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skill.
BUG	What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen for more than 15 minutes. Also: What computer magazine companies do to you after they get you on their mailing list.
CHIPS	The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.
COPY	What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much time playing games on your computer and not enough time studying.
CURSOR	What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as in "You %@& computer!"
DISK	What goes out of your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
DUMP	The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install games on your computer.
ERROR	What you made when you first walked into a computer showroom "just to look."
EXPANSION UNIT	The new room you have to build on to your home to house your computer and all its peripherals.
FILE	What a secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours a day, now that the computer does her day's work in 30 minutes.
FLOPPY	The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food.
HARDWARE	Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting your computer.
IBM	The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to drop on your computer so you'll pay attention to them again.
MENU	What you'll never see again after buying a computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.
PROGRAM	Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked your computer up.
RETURN	What lots of people do to their computers after they receive their first billing from their internet service provider.
TAB	What your friends pick up when they meet you for lunch (because you spent all your money on new software).
TERMINAL	A place where you can find buses, trains and really good meals on hot computers.